What I am about to write is something that I am still learning. I am by no means an expert in this area. I am going to write about body image.
I am in an incredible season of life right now. Engaged. Soon to be married in a little over 3 months. (*insert minor freak out here*) Because of this, I am in the process of moving. Tonight, I spent my Friday evening packing. I came across old photos from 10-12 years ago. These were my high school years. Of course, as I flipped through pictures I waxed nostalgic when I saw photos from mission trips, youth group, and family trips to Florida. When a photo was blurry I resisted the urge to tap it with my finger to zoom in.. a side effect of spending far too much time on my iPhone. Oh how things have changed. So many of the photos were blurry or dark. The photos that I would delete from my phone, except these are printed and saved as treasured memories. Disposable cameras don't allow for retakes. One thing I noticed while looking through these photos, is that there weren't a lot taken of me. The ones that were were mostly from the waist up. In the few that were full body shots, I was struck by how much smaller I was. My high school years were the thinnest I've ever been. However, my memories of that time are that I was fat. I constantly tried to hide my figure because I never liked the way I looked. Most pictures of me from that time are of me in baggy t-shirts. Now, over 10 years later, I am significantly overweight, and saddened by how low my self-esteem was at such a young age. I wonder if I had felt more confident at that age, if I would have take better care of myself.
I was 17 when these pictures were taken. I remember being horrified at my belly roll and how fat I supposedly was. When I look at these pictures now, I recognize that though I wasn't thin or toned, I was far from fat. I was strong and athletic at that age. (Also, please note, my super cool flip phone)
I am blessed to be marrying a man who loves me for me. He fell in love with me years ago, and tells me I am beautiful almost every day. Having someone in my life who speaks positively towards me is incredible. It is confidence building. I have never been with someone who truly believes in me the way he does. He has encouraged me to lose weight, not because he doesn't like the way I look now, but because he wants me to be healthy and he knows I will feel better. It's honestly hard for me to believe that it's possible for me to lose weight and keep it off. I have lost weight and regained it many times over the years. If I had kept off all the weight I've lost over the years I would probably be at my goal weight, if not below it. I like healthy foods. (I also have a major sweet tooth). I know how to cook well and create a balanced meal plan. Lack of knowledge is not the problem. Its completely mental and emotional for me. This brings me back to my original point. If I had learned (or been taught) to think positively about myself at a younger age, I think I would be in a completely different boat right now. I don't ever remember a time where I didn't think I was fat or "chubby." I grew up in a family that loves to eat, and both of my parents have their own food issues. When parents already have unhealthy views of food and unhealthy thought patterns towards their own bodies they are often unable to teach their children healthy thought habits in these areas. This was true for me. My parents did the best they knew how to do. They are wonderful, but no parent gets everything right. Also, every child is different. My two siblings are both a healthy normal weight, and we have the same parents.
There comes a point in life, where we have to choose whether or not we are going to remain a victim of our past, or whether we will rise above it. I am an adult. Yes, I had a less than perfect childhood. (Who hasn't?) Everyone has a story. The question is are you going to let that hurt, that event, whatever it may be define the rest of your life? Becoming a mother (someday) has been on my mind a lot lately. What prompted me to write this tonight, was a strong desire to not repeat the same patterns with my future children. Specifically, I want to be able to teach my future daughters to think in a positive and healthy way about themselves. The best way that I can do that is to model it with how I think about and treat myself. Little girls learn so much by watching their mother. I want to lead by example.
I'm going to go on a bunny trail for a moment here.. but I think it's interesting that this came up for me tonight. A theme in my life lately has been learning to value myself enough to ask for what I need. Sometimes in my relationships I am afraid of becoming "too much," so I neglect to ask for what I need. I stuff my emotions in favor of taking care of others and then erupt when I can't take it anymore. This is neither healthy nor fun for me or anyone around me when it happens. It's crazy how something that would seem simple (self-image) can be so hard and affect so many parts of our life. God knew me before I was born and he formed me just as I am. He knew what he was getting into when he made me. God didn't make a mistake. He created me and said it was good.. so who am I to say it's not? Who am I to pass judgment on something created by God and say it's not good enough or doesn't have value? Do I think I am smarter or know more than him? Of course not.. but that is how I act when I devalue myself and don't practice healthy thoughts. Negative self talk becomes a habit and we start to believe it's true when we practice it enough. Instead Philippians 4:8 tells me to think on (dwell on, meditate on) whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Surely I can learn to apply those things to how I think about myself. We take better care of the things we value right?
I end this right where I began.. with the knowledge that this is something I am still learning. I think I will always be still learning this. I am thankful that God loves me and calls me his even when I don't see it. I am thankful that he has provided a man to be my husband who models Christ love for me. Our future children will have an amazing daddy. (Can you tell I already have baby fever?)
To anyone who actually read this far, good for you. (I'm sorry.. haha). You earned a star.
-Jessie
I am in an incredible season of life right now. Engaged. Soon to be married in a little over 3 months. (*insert minor freak out here*) Because of this, I am in the process of moving. Tonight, I spent my Friday evening packing. I came across old photos from 10-12 years ago. These were my high school years. Of course, as I flipped through pictures I waxed nostalgic when I saw photos from mission trips, youth group, and family trips to Florida. When a photo was blurry I resisted the urge to tap it with my finger to zoom in.. a side effect of spending far too much time on my iPhone. Oh how things have changed. So many of the photos were blurry or dark. The photos that I would delete from my phone, except these are printed and saved as treasured memories. Disposable cameras don't allow for retakes. One thing I noticed while looking through these photos, is that there weren't a lot taken of me. The ones that were were mostly from the waist up. In the few that were full body shots, I was struck by how much smaller I was. My high school years were the thinnest I've ever been. However, my memories of that time are that I was fat. I constantly tried to hide my figure because I never liked the way I looked. Most pictures of me from that time are of me in baggy t-shirts. Now, over 10 years later, I am significantly overweight, and saddened by how low my self-esteem was at such a young age. I wonder if I had felt more confident at that age, if I would have take better care of myself.
I was 17 when these pictures were taken. I remember being horrified at my belly roll and how fat I supposedly was. When I look at these pictures now, I recognize that though I wasn't thin or toned, I was far from fat. I was strong and athletic at that age. (Also, please note, my super cool flip phone)
I am blessed to be marrying a man who loves me for me. He fell in love with me years ago, and tells me I am beautiful almost every day. Having someone in my life who speaks positively towards me is incredible. It is confidence building. I have never been with someone who truly believes in me the way he does. He has encouraged me to lose weight, not because he doesn't like the way I look now, but because he wants me to be healthy and he knows I will feel better. It's honestly hard for me to believe that it's possible for me to lose weight and keep it off. I have lost weight and regained it many times over the years. If I had kept off all the weight I've lost over the years I would probably be at my goal weight, if not below it. I like healthy foods. (I also have a major sweet tooth). I know how to cook well and create a balanced meal plan. Lack of knowledge is not the problem. Its completely mental and emotional for me. This brings me back to my original point. If I had learned (or been taught) to think positively about myself at a younger age, I think I would be in a completely different boat right now. I don't ever remember a time where I didn't think I was fat or "chubby." I grew up in a family that loves to eat, and both of my parents have their own food issues. When parents already have unhealthy views of food and unhealthy thought patterns towards their own bodies they are often unable to teach their children healthy thought habits in these areas. This was true for me. My parents did the best they knew how to do. They are wonderful, but no parent gets everything right. Also, every child is different. My two siblings are both a healthy normal weight, and we have the same parents.
There comes a point in life, where we have to choose whether or not we are going to remain a victim of our past, or whether we will rise above it. I am an adult. Yes, I had a less than perfect childhood. (Who hasn't?) Everyone has a story. The question is are you going to let that hurt, that event, whatever it may be define the rest of your life? Becoming a mother (someday) has been on my mind a lot lately. What prompted me to write this tonight, was a strong desire to not repeat the same patterns with my future children. Specifically, I want to be able to teach my future daughters to think in a positive and healthy way about themselves. The best way that I can do that is to model it with how I think about and treat myself. Little girls learn so much by watching their mother. I want to lead by example.
I'm going to go on a bunny trail for a moment here.. but I think it's interesting that this came up for me tonight. A theme in my life lately has been learning to value myself enough to ask for what I need. Sometimes in my relationships I am afraid of becoming "too much," so I neglect to ask for what I need. I stuff my emotions in favor of taking care of others and then erupt when I can't take it anymore. This is neither healthy nor fun for me or anyone around me when it happens. It's crazy how something that would seem simple (self-image) can be so hard and affect so many parts of our life. God knew me before I was born and he formed me just as I am. He knew what he was getting into when he made me. God didn't make a mistake. He created me and said it was good.. so who am I to say it's not? Who am I to pass judgment on something created by God and say it's not good enough or doesn't have value? Do I think I am smarter or know more than him? Of course not.. but that is how I act when I devalue myself and don't practice healthy thoughts. Negative self talk becomes a habit and we start to believe it's true when we practice it enough. Instead Philippians 4:8 tells me to think on (dwell on, meditate on) whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, excellent, and worthy of praise. Surely I can learn to apply those things to how I think about myself. We take better care of the things we value right?
I end this right where I began.. with the knowledge that this is something I am still learning. I think I will always be still learning this. I am thankful that God loves me and calls me his even when I don't see it. I am thankful that he has provided a man to be my husband who models Christ love for me. Our future children will have an amazing daddy. (Can you tell I already have baby fever?)
To anyone who actually read this far, good for you. (I'm sorry.. haha). You earned a star.
-Jessie
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