I guess it's time for an update: I'm still here. =)
I haven't written on here in what feels like a long time. In reality, it's only been a little more than a week, but I have tried to write several times and have not been able to finish. There is so much buzzing around in my head and I haven't been able to make much sense of it. It's been rough to be me lately though. I know we all have those times where "being us" is rough.
Even this post I am struggling to write, because I just can't seem to get the words to come out right. That's okay though.. I know now, what I need to do. I'll just sort of sum everything up..
I feel like a mess. I am exhausted from school (I finished this semester with a B, btw, no small accomplishment for nursing school. yay!), and my grandpa died just a little over a week ago. I have been shoving all my emotions down for awhile now so I can focus on school. I kept telling myself, "I just need to finish this semester, then I get a break." Well now my break is here and I need to deal with this stuff.
When it all comes down to it, no matter which way I think about everything I am dealing with right now, I keep coming back to one thing. I love Jesus. He is here for me. I know he is. I can feel it. He's what's getting me through this right now. Yes, I'm a mess. No, I have not been handling everything very well lately. But in spite of that, I trust Him. And right now I just want to drop everything and just run into his arms and have a good cry. My Heavenly Daddy makes everything better just by being here. He gives me that security I keep trying to create for myself. Sometimes I wonder if he gets tired of watching me try to do this by myself when he's readily available, just waiting for me to stop pushing him away. Ha.. he loves me so much. I don't deserve it. These past few weeks I have been extremely aware of how much I don't deserve His love. He gives it anyway and never ceases to amaze me. =)
I love it. I love Him. I found this quote recently that I love. It summarizes almost perfectly how I feel about the Lord.
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.”
― A.W. Tozer
I love hearing God say to me, "Rise up my live, my fair one, and come away." Seriously, how beautiful is that? =)
Well, this post is a little mixed up I suppose but oh well. =) Enjoy.
-Jessie
Even this post I am struggling to write, because I just can't seem to get the words to come out right. That's okay though.. I know now, what I need to do. I'll just sort of sum everything up..
I feel like a mess. I am exhausted from school (I finished this semester with a B, btw, no small accomplishment for nursing school. yay!), and my grandpa died just a little over a week ago. I have been shoving all my emotions down for awhile now so I can focus on school. I kept telling myself, "I just need to finish this semester, then I get a break." Well now my break is here and I need to deal with this stuff.
When it all comes down to it, no matter which way I think about everything I am dealing with right now, I keep coming back to one thing. I love Jesus. He is here for me. I know he is. I can feel it. He's what's getting me through this right now. Yes, I'm a mess. No, I have not been handling everything very well lately. But in spite of that, I trust Him. And right now I just want to drop everything and just run into his arms and have a good cry. My Heavenly Daddy makes everything better just by being here. He gives me that security I keep trying to create for myself. Sometimes I wonder if he gets tired of watching me try to do this by myself when he's readily available, just waiting for me to stop pushing him away. Ha.. he loves me so much. I don't deserve it. These past few weeks I have been extremely aware of how much I don't deserve His love. He gives it anyway and never ceases to amaze me. =)
I love it. I love Him. I found this quote recently that I love. It summarizes almost perfectly how I feel about the Lord.
“O God, I have tasted Thy goodness, and it has both satisfied me and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need for further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire. O God, the Triune God, I want to want Thee; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made more thirsty still. Show me Thy glory, I pray Thee, so that I may know Thee indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow Thee up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long.”
― A.W. Tozer
I love hearing God say to me, "Rise up my live, my fair one, and come away." Seriously, how beautiful is that? =)
Well, this post is a little mixed up I suppose but oh well. =) Enjoy.
-Jessie
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