I have been fighting some pretty intense discouragement lately. I hate to keep coming back to the same thing, but here it is: it's really hard to be here right now.
I never thought that I wouldn't want to be in the place where I grew up. I have always loved it here, and I still do, but when the Lord changed my life, EVERYTHING changed.
The Lord restored me as a person in just 6 short months. I went from being a lost, broken, and insecure person to a found, whole, and confident woman in the Lord. The testimony that the Lord has given me is incredible. Sometimes I still can't believe how different I am. I don't even recognize that girl anymore. Who is she? I wish that for at least one day I could be someone else so I could see myself from another's eyes. I want to know.. do I look like Jesus? I hope so. He has radically changed my life. It's funny; I've heard that before.. but until it happened to me I never realized how inadequate that statement is in describing what the Lord did in my life. I love it! :)
Anyways, coming back to my home environment has been really difficult because I don't know where I fit anymore. I don't fit into the mold I used to (thank goodness), so I have to carve out a new one. Or rather, I want the Lord to carve the perfect one out for me. Ideally that niche would be one that includes a strong body of believers to help support me and me support them. There are no words for how much I miss the intimacy my team had. I really believe we lived the way followers of Jesus are supposed to, the way the church is supposed to. That's not to say that we were perfect or anything, because I definitely remember many squabbles. I was often in the midst of those.. sometimes I still forget that I don't have to fight anymore. Thank you Jesus, that you fight my battles for me!
I am so hungry for more and for what the Lord has for me and sometimes it's hard to remember to be faithful where the Lord has planted me for the moment. Right now my place is here.. and my Heavenly Father has graciously laid out His plans for me for the next few years. I can already see how becoming a nurse will fit into God's plan for me. I can see how my personality and gifting's fit so perfectly into the field of nursing. God knit me together in such a way that I would fit perfectly into the role He has for me. I can feel it. Even though I'm only in the beginnings of nursing school it feels right. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. The hardest part right now is just feeling like I am alone. The Lord is definitely using this season to teach me to lean on him even more. I am learning that even though the Lord created us for fellowship I still have to be okay when it's just me and Jesus. :) I still have a lot to learn.
I just want to say one more thing, and then I'll finish. That is that I am so thankful for the body of Christ. I love seeing how beautifully God fits our individual personalities together to function as a unit. I also love seeing the Lord work in other people's lives. One of the things that excites me the most is seeing the Lord restore someone just like he restored me. :) I think it is one of the most beautiful and precious things in all of creation. But of course I could say that about a lot of things. :) Everything the Lord does fascinates me, even if I've seen it a million times. Our God is so great! Just think, we get to worship him for all eternity! YAY!!!!
Thanks for listening..
-Jessie
I never thought that I wouldn't want to be in the place where I grew up. I have always loved it here, and I still do, but when the Lord changed my life, EVERYTHING changed.
The Lord restored me as a person in just 6 short months. I went from being a lost, broken, and insecure person to a found, whole, and confident woman in the Lord. The testimony that the Lord has given me is incredible. Sometimes I still can't believe how different I am. I don't even recognize that girl anymore. Who is she? I wish that for at least one day I could be someone else so I could see myself from another's eyes. I want to know.. do I look like Jesus? I hope so. He has radically changed my life. It's funny; I've heard that before.. but until it happened to me I never realized how inadequate that statement is in describing what the Lord did in my life. I love it! :)
Anyways, coming back to my home environment has been really difficult because I don't know where I fit anymore. I don't fit into the mold I used to (thank goodness), so I have to carve out a new one. Or rather, I want the Lord to carve the perfect one out for me. Ideally that niche would be one that includes a strong body of believers to help support me and me support them. There are no words for how much I miss the intimacy my team had. I really believe we lived the way followers of Jesus are supposed to, the way the church is supposed to. That's not to say that we were perfect or anything, because I definitely remember many squabbles. I was often in the midst of those.. sometimes I still forget that I don't have to fight anymore. Thank you Jesus, that you fight my battles for me!
I am so hungry for more and for what the Lord has for me and sometimes it's hard to remember to be faithful where the Lord has planted me for the moment. Right now my place is here.. and my Heavenly Father has graciously laid out His plans for me for the next few years. I can already see how becoming a nurse will fit into God's plan for me. I can see how my personality and gifting's fit so perfectly into the field of nursing. God knit me together in such a way that I would fit perfectly into the role He has for me. I can feel it. Even though I'm only in the beginnings of nursing school it feels right. I know I'm where I'm supposed to be. The hardest part right now is just feeling like I am alone. The Lord is definitely using this season to teach me to lean on him even more. I am learning that even though the Lord created us for fellowship I still have to be okay when it's just me and Jesus. :) I still have a lot to learn.
I just want to say one more thing, and then I'll finish. That is that I am so thankful for the body of Christ. I love seeing how beautifully God fits our individual personalities together to function as a unit. I also love seeing the Lord work in other people's lives. One of the things that excites me the most is seeing the Lord restore someone just like he restored me. :) I think it is one of the most beautiful and precious things in all of creation. But of course I could say that about a lot of things. :) Everything the Lord does fascinates me, even if I've seen it a million times. Our God is so great! Just think, we get to worship him for all eternity! YAY!!!!
Thanks for listening..
-Jessie
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